I've been single for almost a year now and it's pure BLISS! I didn't know that I'd find my inner peace this way and as a young woman at my age - it really made me complete... Yeah, you've probably heard me before whining about my misfortunes in life. Despite of my tendencies of being a paranoid and a whiner, I can still say that I bravely found my way out through all the mishaps that happened in my life.
Because I'm happier now, I think it's safe to confess to you how my life was so messed up and what I did to make it better...
My ex and I were about to get married last March 2008. We broke up last year and right now, he is so OVER and done with. It's not that I'm bitter... In fact, there are still times that I remember him and all the fun memories that we shared when we were still together. But oh well, there's no point crying over spilled milk now. If we were talking face to face, you'd probably see me talking with my eyes occasionally moving upward rather than downward (a seminar speaker in Singapore explained once that when you talk and your eyes move downward, you are talking about a past that greatly affected your emotions). That could probably mean that I have purged all the bitterness in my chest or God finally made me realize that moping around will not help me at all.
I remember talking to a friend about a month ago and I shared to him what happened to me then he suddenly attested that nothing could be worse than what happened to him. As if he is contesting me - I have no intention of finding out who's more pitiable between the two of us. He told me that he got married because his girlfriend got pregnant and when the baby went out, his wife left him... All of a sudden, my wretched life was nothing compared to his. It made my chronicles of misfortune an old household rag. Then it got me thinking, I shouldn't be like that anymore! To completly move on in my life I must be able to run in a straight line just like what Forrest Gump did. I don't need to make nasty remarks anymore, I don't need to let people know how f*cked up my life used to be. I don't need to go back in time and remember how stupid I was before. I already learned my lesson and just like the classic saying goes: PAST is PAST. There's really nothing I can do about that dark chapter in my life so I might as well go on and make the best out of what I have right now.
So back to being single... When I was younger I thought I wanted to have someone to depend on because I am weak. In other words, I needed a knight in shining armor. It's probably because I've read too much fairy tales that time so I can't distinguish fantasy from reality anymore. The sad part is, I always end up with a jerk and a half. So in the end, I feel like a complete idiot for falling for the wrong guy over and over again. When my ex and I planned to get married, I thought I already got things figured out. My fantasy of having my own family will finally come true and I'm going to have my own kids and live a happy life with the man of my dreams - WRONG! It was an EPIC FAILURE.
I read from a friend's comment on facebook today when she heard that another friend is getting married (but she only knew the guy for 5 months) ~~ You know what, you are so brave to think about marriage when you only know the guy for a short period of time. There are still things that you need to consider like compatibility, attitude, matury and financial stability. She is so right. Marriage is a serious step and a person should be ready for it, otherwise, his/her marriage will be totally screwed up just like what happened to my friend.
I remember another friend of mine who was also complaining about what happened to her love life and how she is now 'recovering' from a bad break-up. She seems to be so happy that she has found another man (who can be a potential bf - it's pretty obvious that she likes him so much)... Uhmm, well, it's not that I'm against it but if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't condsider to dive into another relationship while I'm still in the process of healing. It's not that I'm envious that she already has another man - believe it or not, there are guys who attempted to woo me right after my first break up with my ex fiance. There are also even men in my past who tried to contact me - but I was simply not in the mood to entertain any of them. They can tell me that I'm not sweet and they could hate me for being a snob, I don't care because I'm not really excited to jump into another relationship yet. There are also guys who attempted to woo me after my second breakup with my ex fiance but same thing happened - I'm still not interested. What's wrong with me??? They seem to be nice and good looking guys... Hmm... It's probably because I already realized that I don't really need to have a man in my life just for the sake of having one. I don't really need to date when I'm not ready yet. I just have to stay put and believe that everything will happen on the right time and when I am in the right disposition.
Piece of advise to all of my friends who are still single right now, It's not really that bad to be single. Don't think that you are running out of time or you are getting too old or whatever. Just ENJOY the present and do all the stuff that will make you happy. To all that are interested to ask me out on a date or want to get to know me better (as if meron ^___^ ) Sorry, but I'm not ready yet. Hope you understand. No hard feelings ok? I have to stay focused for now. Love can wait...
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